Sunday, June 24, 2007
Walking backwards, I tripped.
Regaining my balance, my agile body continued.
It seemed the most perfectly normal thing to do.
To walk backwards, that is.
To do so was to explore myself.
"It's not worth it".
They all spoke so critically.
"You don't need to do this".
Sure I did. Stepping behind swaddled and protected me.
I carried on for quite awhile.
It got so the back of my body was my trusted guide.
Until my feet got tangled up once again.
Looking curiously at the ground behind me,
I could see nothing in my way.
Just another "auditory illusion"
That's what Dr. M. called them.
Lifting my right heel to carry on,
I longed to walk back into a more lucid and safe time.
After awhile I ignored that moving against the current was unnatural.
That my rigid body couldn't relax.
Again, something got in the way.
I was stopped in my tracks.
"Shhhh. Doooooown hhhhhhere."
I couldn't look quicky enough. There was nothing around.
Still, something had been there, it had now disappeared from my sightline.
Exasperated, I fell to my knees.
Palms spread on the sidewalk, searching.
I had to look closely, but finally I found the reoccuring obstacle.
Secrets. A whole colony of tiny ant-like secrets that got in the way.
The ones that told me why. The ones that explained how.
Standing up, I walked forward.