Monday, July 28, 2008

Sunday Scribblings #59 - Solace

Solace
It comes when I ask for it
When I create the space
And make room for myself.

And I fuckin LOVE it
Being alone, that is.

There is no one to answer to
No schedule to follow

Only the one that drives my heart's desire.

Unanswerable
Alone.

Free to investigate my dark places.

And all I need to do is ask for it

I am lucky,
I am listened to,
And respected.



That's how I find solace.
Thank you, my lovely and caring and beautiful Paul.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Sunday Scribblings #58 - Ghosts

Ghosts
are something to see through
not something to look at

Wait!
A something?
Not a someone?

Ghosts.
They, they, come.
Or maybe it's that they stay.

Theirs are purposeful encounters, sprinkling their seers with fear and confusion.
Seeking meaning, their witnesses can find intent.

In the space that follows life
there can be unrest.
In the dusty corners of the unknown
bone-less spirit beings may ask of us.

whirling
in confusion,
colliding
with angst,
floating
in distress,
longing
for guidance.


unfinished.
unresolved.
remaining undone.

Our job?
Notice.
Liquefy our fright.
Notice.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sunday Scribblings #57 - Oldest Friend


Quiet acceptance
from a knowing smile
glistens from the lips of my oldest friend.

Gold and fuscia and indigo and magenta and silver and canary yellow
are the colours that swim through
the hair of my oldest friend.

A gentle embrace
to greet me
or wish me well is a predictable offering from my oldest friend.

"Come with me,
comfort lives here",
says the attentive gaze of my oldest friend.

Stories, fairy tales, encouragement, and moments of sorrow and joy
are the offerings
which seep from the pores of my oldest friend.

Nurturing mannerisms offered through
a simple meal
prepared with consciousness by the loving hands of my oldest friend.

Filter-less listening
reassuring gestures
a familiar place to be me.
That's what comes from my oldest friend.

Speech-less apologies follow misunderstandings
unexpected but always there
lingering, well-timed gestures of remorse I give to and receive from my oldest friend.

Effervescence, hatred, jokes and smelly shoes
make me the person that I share with my oldest friend.



Drum beats, dance, loss, discovery, sunshine, lattes and thunderstorms
dot the path
and are what I share with my oldest friend.

Photo credits to justinsimoni.com

Monday, July 7, 2008

Sunday Scribblings #56 - Chance Encounter

Is there really such a thing as a chance encounter?

When I think seriously about it, I'm not sure that chance encounters truly exist.

There are a ga-jillion concepts related to the idea of chance encounters: unexpected events, luck, accidents, coincidence, etc. But really, I don't think that anything that happens is truly "out of the blue".

To me, concepts like fate, destiny, karma, serendipity, providence, synchronicity, and kismet are much more likely.

They suggest that there is something behind what happens in our lives. And there is a lot of truth in that for me. On the one hand, I believe that something bigger, something much more magnificent is more responsible for my life-script than I am.

Believing that means I'm surrendering to what Doris Day so brilliantly reminded us in her catchy/kitchy tune "Que sera, sera". She had a good point.

So call it chance, or likelihood, or probability, or whatever other statistical term you're familiar with, but this force that causes events to happen is just that - an energetic influence.

Was it chance that I experienced a brush with MS at the age of 20 that paralyzed the left side of my body and landed me in the hospital? No. Because that opened the door to a beautiful relationship with Paul, who has been my loving and caring husband for the last 5 years. That was part of something bigger and better than where I was at previously.

Was it just a coincidence that I was asked to take a mental health leave from my work at the Aphasia Institute in the fall of 2005? Nope. That led me to India, which led me to healing, and opened the door to a new life, one including Nia.

I could go on, but maybe you get the point?

I met a very wise woman when I was quite ill and managing the effects of Bipolar Disorder and Anorexia. Her name was L _ _ _ _ _ , and she and I attend a support group through the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario at Our Sister's Place.

When L _ _ _ _ _ _ became ill, she told her teenaged children that she was now releasing them to the universe to take care of them. She had faith that the universe was capable. And it was. And it is.

So, on the one hand, I'm saying there's something beyond just me. I like the idea that I am looked after by the universe. That's a beautiful concept that rests well within me.

On the other hand, I also think that I play a role in what happens to a certain extent. Not that I control what will happen, that's beyond me. More so that if I am living in a place of acceptance, I will be guided to what I need.

So here's what I'm working with these days. If I look closely enough, keep my eyes and ears open, talk to people, put myself in the right places, and live life with a readiness and openness to opportunity, it's all there. Everything I need is all there. And no way is anything just by accident.

A dear dear friend Andrea reminded me yesterday that events in our lives happen to teach us lessons. To inform us of our own power.

I'm beginning to see that what happens to me is simply moving me closer and closer to my own divinity.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

The streets of Neuvo York are over run with S'BUX, good beer is hard to find, but 39 Steps, Central Park, shopping, Nia and Porter Airlines rocked!!!


Yup, too many Starbucks. Everywhere. As I do here in Toronto, I boycotted them, opting for morning coffee and a NYC bagel from Zabar's . They're on the upper west side, at 80th and Broadway. Go if you're in New York! Here's a map.

Along with the frustration of too many Starbucks was the challenge with drinking American beer. I was unable to find a beer with that richly satisfying deep amber hue, caramel/toffee nuttiness whose effervescence tickles my tongue. Yes, no Keith's/Rickard's Red here. And no recycling anywhere. Can you imagine?

It took me a while, but I finally did find Brooklyn Lager after a few disappointing trial and error pints. It's a bit more hoppy than I typically like (which, I find, takes away from the yummy malt flavours), but it reminded me of Mill Street's Tank House which I enjoy from time to time.


Does anyone else find this to be a funny sign to see in a drug store? The "ethnic products" (?wuh?) share the same aisle with the cold beer!

Still, New York City treated us well in the 3 short days we were there. Central Park had a lot waiting for us. What a place of magic! From fireflies mesmerizing my eyes with lightshows I haven't seen since I was a kid, to massive rocks to climb up on and a bike ride through millions of bubbles.

Ok, I know you're dying to hear more about the rock, since I've had a pretty long fascination with rocks (I think it started when we bought 45 Jedburgh Rd. when I was 25 in 1998...I created the mother of all rock gardens there...rocks everywhere. Is it surprising that later on I got engaged at Ayer's Rock in Australia?).

Summit Rock, on the western edge of Central Park at 83rd St., is the highest elevation in the park, at 137.5 feet, just north of the Diana Ross playground (no, I'm not kidding!). As if drawn to a magnet, I scrambled up there, perched above everyone. Paul reluctantly joined me, and then admitted he's actually afraid of heights. Kim and Georgina came ambling along 83rd street and saw us and took the shot above, while I was busy photographing my toes for perspective...




NYC had a lot to tempt me with too.

Like street cycling. Pretty intense traffic-dodging tuned up my central nervous system when we rode on 5th Ave and then the wrong way on Madison Ave for awhile until Paul figured out we must ride with the couriers on the left, not right, side of the one-way street.

And like the enticing allure of riding on paths that tell me that I "must walk my bike" or on roads through Central Park. About 50% of the time we abided, and another 50% we totally pissed off the pedestrians (with the utmost respect for safety, of course).


Here's Georgina enjoying Times Square (that, or desperate to get away from all the people!)

On Broadway, we discovered that "Hitchcock" and "hilarious" can most definitely be used in the same sentence. We were treated to fine orchestra seats for 39 Steps (thanks Cliff!) which was quick-paced and deliberately slap-stick.

I have not laughed so hard in a VERY long time, and was both spell-bound and star-struck by Cliff Saunders (my pal Liz's adorable hubby). His ridiculously talented ability to entertain with physical comedy, his command of Scottish and English accents (several dialects), and imitation of the elderly was phenomenal. To top it off, rubbing elbows with Broadway actors after Cliff's show at Bar Centrale made me forget my humble beginnings!

And the shopping.

Oh, the shopping.

There were many subway rides and long walks to get all the shopping in!
(see the iPod case I got on Canal Street?!)

From Filene's Basement (thanks for the tip Alex!), to Century 21, to Canal Street designer discounts, shopping was going on all weekend. There was bickering amongst us as to the efficiency of the whole process, and reprimands from the clerks who several times told me that I was "not allowed to try on clothing if outside of the fitting room" and that I should "stop shopping from the racks that we use to sort the clothing". Boundaries. Always pushing them!






And Nia. Wow. I was privileged to take 2 classes while in NY. One with Blue Belt instructor Serena Puckett and another with Black Belt instructor Jason Griffin. It's been awhile since I was sooo motivated and so challenged athletically like I was in their classes.

Finally, Porter Airlines. Yes, the subway ride experience of air travel. It was a most pleasant experience. From the free lounge snacks at the Toronto Island airport to the below-the-clouds flight on July 4 which gave us an amazing show of Independence day fireworks the entire flight back, it was a treat. Aside from the bumpy landings (which, 4 barf bags later for Kim) and the full-on customs/baggage check back in Canada, it was refreshing. No big Pearson airport hassle, a quick commute to and from and exceptionally kind staff. Ahhh.